Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween

Love, The Colvins

My mom made our costumes this year. We are Aladdin, Rajah, and Jasmine. Grace went trick or treating for the first time and she wasn't quite sure what to do with it. :) She loved grabbing candy out of the other buckets and throwing them into hers. :) Grace loved her costume and kept pulling it over her face and playing peekaboo. She managed to sign Happy Halloween with my prompting. We went around my parents' neighborhood in Utah and it was chilly, but not too bad. We had a great Halloween!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Chocolate cake

I found this on another blog too. I sat here sobbing reading it. This is very much how infertility has been. Beautiful analogy.

"Imagine yourself dressed up in your finest clothes. You and your sweet husband are attending a dinner together in one of the nicest restaurants in town. You both have planned, waited and saved for this evening. To say the least, you are very excited! You and your husband arrive and the atmosphere is more than you expected. Everyone around you is having a good time. The chandeliers are sparkling, candles are glowing and sweet soft music is playing in the background. To your pleasant surprise you see others there you know. You are seated with them and in your heart you think there just couldn't be anything better!

The table is just exquisite. Breathtaking really. The people at your table begin to talk to you in jolly conversation. You glance at the menu and you don't even know where to begin! You look over everything slowly and carefully, especially the dessert menu! All of your life you have been hearing about this restaurant's marvellous and divine desserts. Deep in your heart, you have been looking forward to enjoying dessert the most!

Everyone at your table orders their food. For dessert they all order chocolate cake. You think, "Hey that sounds perfect. I'll have chocolate cake too please." The waiter nods in approval and quickly swifts off to put in your order. In the meantime, you are still enjoying the surroundings, the music and the company. You grab your husband's hand and sigh "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

The food comes and everything looks just pleasing. Some of the things you tasted you really love, some of the things you didn't. Either way, you know that dessert is on its way. That thought in and of itself is just exciting! Then you see him, your waiter! Your wonderful, blessed waiter with a silver tray full of plates of chocolate cake! He comes and starts handing out plates to those you know. You look at the cake and to put it simply, it looks just divine. You're even more excited now! The waiter comes to your side and then passes you and your husband. You are shocked and think there must be some mistake. you don't know what to do, but rather than make a fuss you think, "Just wait, I will get my chocolate cake soon too."

Those that have their dessert are going on and on about how amazing the taste is. You smile, you are truly happy for them. Deep down you are anxious and their feelings only feed your curiosity and desire. Then you see the waiter again and think, "Ahhh, here he is." You notice that he starts handing out seconds and thirds to those that have already had their piece of cake. Your husband doesn't notice, he's busy chatting with the fellow next to him! Deep down though you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

You ask the waiter, "Excuse me please. Where is my chocolate cake that I ordered"? The waiter just replies, "The baker has said that you must wait." He rushes off and not another word is said. Time goes on. You still enjoy the surroundings, the people and the conversations. All the while though, you can't get chocolate cake out of your mind. Time keeps creeping by and soon your husband notices too, "Where is our dessert?" You hold his hand and look into his loving eyes and think, "Even without chocolate cake, life is still good."

Time, however, creeps and it creeps. At moments it seems like it has even stopped. It's getting late and people are noticing you haven't received your dessert yet. Questions start arising and you just don't know how to respond. You look around other tables and notice that people are also getting their third, fourth and fifth servings of dessert. "Why" is all you have to lean upon.

You notice that others have ordered things for dessert besides chocolate cake. There is cherry pie, brownie ice cream sundaes, raspberry cheesecakes and such. They seem just as pleased, if not more pleased with their desserts and you wonder, "Should I order cherry pie too"? You talk to the waiter and he simply says, "I'm sorry ma'am, you just need to be patient and wait."

You are starting to burn inside. Despite all of your best efforts you are beginning to boil. You really want to jump on top of the table and stomp while shouting, "Where is my chocolate cake?" You don't though because you know that will get you no where! Instead you look around and notice that there are some that are refusing their chocolate cake. "It will make me fat" one says. "Ugh. I have enough already" another states. One woman, simply dumps her beautiful chocolate cake onto the floor.

As you look deeper around you, you notice there are a few others that are waiting too. Your heart goes out to them. You smile and wish there was something more you could do. You know their pain and it hurts. It really hurts.

Finally, the waiter comes and he has chocolate cake on that familiar beautiful silver platter...and he has enough for two. One for your husband and one for you! Your so elated with joy that you can't hardly stand it!!! You tell everyone at your table and they are just as happy for you. "We knew it would happen" they say. "You just needed to relax"! Little did they know that deep inside relaxing was the last thing you were feeling! You look at your husband. Tears are in both of your eyes. You carefully take a taste. It's such sweet, sweet perfection. You go to take another and just before you do the waiter comes and gently takes your plates away. "Something is wrong" he says. "Don't worry my dear, the time is soon."

There's confusion. Sadness. Anger. Above all though, you are just deeply and truly heartbroken. Heartbroken to the very core. You don't know what to do. You turn to others for support. They cry with you and too ask why. You take a deep breath and find the strength to go on. You have been given the promise that you will receive dessert. It is just not understood as to when. You decide to put your full trust in the baker. You reach far inside within yourself and find the effort to ask your husband to dance.

He looks at you and smiles..."Yes, I would love to dance with you my dear one." You both get up, leave the table and set off to dance.

As you are dancing, you get your bearings. You again begin to notice your surroundings. The beautiful surroundings that have so magically grabbed your attention in the first place. You remember the music, the sounds, the smell of the sweet flowers. You breathe. That's all you can do. You breathe and slowly begin to enjoy the moment again. Slowly, it all comes back to you. The things you love. Being with the person you love the most. The pains you have just felt are still there. Still vulnerable, but you feel life again. Yes, life is still good.

After quite a few dances, you both decide it's time to sit at your table. People still have their desserts and their chocolate cakes. Your space is still empty. You decide, however, to really focus on those around you. In doing so you find more joy. The desire for dessert is still there- but it's manageable. Time moves on.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, your waiter appears. He has the biggest smile on his face. He is pleased to announce that you and your husband's dessert is finally here!! Your heart wells up with joy, but you're afraid too. You ask the waiter, "Will you take it away"? "No, this one was made especially for you." You smile back, hardly believing that this could be true or real. You look at it and it's not a dessert you have ever seen before. It's then that you realize that the baker has made a dessert with all of your favorite colors and flavors. Careful detail was lovingly taken into every consideration. "How did He know that this is exactly what I wanted"? The waiter just smiles and says, "Because he knows and loves you. If you look, you can see him there."

You look and at the door, through the little round window you see a gentle man with tears in his eyes. He is grinning from ear to ear and looking at you and your husband. You can't hardly see anymore because of all of the happy tears. You whisper a big "Thank You" and in your heart you feel that this simple phrase will never be enough.

You look at the people around you, they too have tears in their eyes. They too are smiling from ear to ear. Everything is so precious and tender now- even more so than when you first arrived here. It's then that you learn that the pains you have felt all along the way... the waiting, the crying, the's all been a special recipe to make this moment this much more wonderful and sacred.

In your soul you take a deep breath and slowly let out a big sigh of gratitude.

You grab your husband's hand and sigh again, "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."
I found this on another blog and thought it was a beautiful poem so I wanted to share it. :) We feel so blessed to have our little Gracie through adoption. I'm grateful for her birth mom making the loving choice to place Grace in our family. And we are so blessed again to be able to get to know expectant mom while she is pregnant and that baby boy will be a part of our eternal family too.

With a little one to love
And I prayed with hope
I prayed in faith
That soon the day would come-
That in my heart and in my arms
I’d hold a little one.

Like Sarah in the Bible
The days and years seemed long.
I waited for a miracle-
Would it ever come?

Unlike Hannah,
Unlike Sarah
It was not meant to be.
A little child would not be born-
Not from within me.

It seems like God just took me by the hand.
I heard him say, “This is the plan.”
I asked Him why this burden was mine to bear.
He said, “Find faith, I’ve heard your humble prayer.”

There’s a story in the Bible
A story I understand
About a woman who bore a child
And placed him in other hands.

She wanted him to be kept safe-
She traded sacrifice for faith…
And in the end he grew to be
One who looked upon God’s face.

Like this woman in the story
Another bore a son.
She traded sacrifice for faith-
And placed him in my arms.

Like Hannah, and like Sarah
My miracle had come-
And in my heart and in my arms.
I held my little one.

It seems like God just took my by the hand.
I heard him say, “This is the plan.”
Again, I prayed and humbly spoke to God above
For now I held a little one to love.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Grace's first Leo

I started gymnastics when I was 5. I loved it! I was not very good but I made it up to competitive levels. Then, when we moved to Arizona when I was 9, we tried finding a good gym, but we just couldn't. So my sister and I did a little tumbling instead. Finally, around the time I was 13, a new gym opened less than a mile from us. My sister ended up getting a job there and I took tumbling at night. The summer before I was 16, I started coaching too. I ended up coaching there until I was 23. It was a great job and I loved it. It's where I grew to love children and wanted to become a mom.

Every season, we would get a whole new stash of Leotards. I would go through them, dreaming about when I would finally be able to buy my daughter a leo of her own. After going through infertility, I wasn't sure if that would ever happen. I bought tons of baby clothes, but I never bought a single Leotard. Then, we got our Miracle, Grace. I have been waiting 17 LONG months to put her in gymnastics. Most gyms have you wait until 18 months, but luckily, here in Rexburg, the class starts as soon as they are walking. I was thrilled! So we signed her up.

The first few times, I would just put her in a onesie. Then today, I put her in a swimming suit (that BARELY fit). As we were leaving, I looked through the Leotards. And suddenly, my dream was coming true. I found one that fit Grace (it's still a bit big) and instantly snatched it up. I had her do a little fashion show afterwards and she just kept rubbing her tummy. Even if she never loves gymnastics, I am so glad I was able to buy her this leotard, and live that dream. She is my miracle and I thank my Heavenly Father daily for her.

Starting her forward roll
Oops! Fell sideways!
Laughing on the floor
Stand up and big TA-DA!!!!!!

I seriously love this little leotard and I hope it's the first of many to come! It's a GK leo (I wore them all growing up) and it's Nastia Luikin's line! She's one of my favorite gymnasts so it made it even better! :)

And because I don't want to forget, today was the first day of gymnastics that Grace would let her coach help her! I'm really hoping it's helping with her stranger anxiety! She ran right up to Coach Mallory and wanted to swing on the rope! She also started doing the Choo Choo train on the way to each event. She's catching on to everything. Her all time favorite thing, is jumping into the foam pit. The drop is bigger than she is, but she thinks it is hysterical! Next favorite is the rope swing. She likes bars, but it always seems to fall towards the end of class when she gets tired. But she can do a pullover with my help and is totally fearless! She's turning into a monkey everywhere we go now!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Catching up... Again.

Can it really be October already?

Life seems to be flying by. Grace keeps me busy. Life in Idaho is... interesting. :) It snowed a couple days ago. Snow, in October. It's just not right. And of course, it had to start snowing as I was driving 20 miles to the next town. We went shopping for my birthday and came out to find our car was covered in 3 inches of snow. It was a little unreal.

Grace is learning so much. She is starting to try to talk. She's also getting a lot more social and will say Hi to every person at the store she sees. It's quite funny. And she gets really mad if the person doesn't say Hi back. She is starting to want to color all the time now too. The signs she does the most during the day are Movie, Color, Airplane, and More. I see each one at least 10 times a day.

Grace is really starting to do well in gymnastics. She is doing forward rolls by herself on the mat, and she did a pullover with my help on the bars. She LOVES hanging on the bars. She also loves the trampoline and jumping off the end into the foam pit. She is getting a little more coordinated. I'm learning I'm definitely a helicopter parent and am always hovering over her making sure she doesn't fall. I'm trying to remind myself that she won't learn to be careful if she never falls. It's really hard though. I want to protect her as much as I can.

Expectant mom is 29 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going for me. I'm sure it is dragging on for her though. She has a hernia above the baby and it's causing her a lot of pain. Baby boy may need to come out sooner than we hoped so that she can get that taken care of sooner. He is constantly moving and kicking around.

Robby has been working 14-18 hours a day since we arrived. They are ALMOST finished with the project. I'm really hoping we can start spending more time together soon. It's quite lonely by myself here after Grace goes to bed. I've been watching a lot of shows and have read a couple books already too.

Although I really hate snow, I'm really excited to take Grace out to play in it. She has been loving the cold and the wind and the snow. She definitely doesn't get that from me. I got her a cute snowsuit and mittens so we will be prepared for the next storm.

Hopefully it won't be another month before I actually have exciting news or pictures. I feel like life is just moving along, quickly, but uneventfully. Which I'm DEFINITELY not complaining about. :)