Heartbroken

The love of a birth mother

On February 6th, Kirsten (Joey's birth mom) passed away in her sleep. I received a call from her husband that said she passed away and instantly my heart dropped. I called to talk to him and listened to him sob, asking why he had to fall asleep and not stay up to take care of her. She had been diagnosed with double pneumonia and bronchitis at the end of December. She was in and out of the hospital every few days. They kept giving her antibiotics and she kept saying she was getting better. We had seen her January 31st and spent the day with her and her husband at the park. It had been the 5th time she had seen Joey in the 2 months he had been on this earth. We told her that Robby had lost his job and we were looking at jobs outside the state of Arizona. She was heartbroken but knew that we would do what was necessary to take care of our family. She knew we would never just walk away from her and that we would visit often. I knew this was causing extra stress for her and I really didn't want that, but I didn't want to be dishonest with her either.

Kirsten and I texted almost daily. She wanted to know how our whole family was doing, not just Joey. She loved all of us too. We had made plans to meet her at Grace's gymnastics on Monday so she could see Joey and watch Grace show off. Robby had an interview in California that day and both of us were nervous to see if he would get a new job and we would have to relocate. I wake up that morning at 6 am and see the message from Leonard (Kirsten's husband). I immediately fell down, sobbing. It was such a shock. Robby couldn't postpone the interviews so we drove him to the airport and I barely made it home through the sobbing and hyperventilating.

Luckily I had a friend come stay with me and she helped me watch Grace and Joey and helped me not be a sobbing mess. Robby ended up staying 2 days and nights but came home with a job offer in Palo Alto, CA (just south of San Francisco). We had 3 days to pack before they wanted us to be there. Packing and grieving are hard to do at once.

Friday was Kirsten's funeral. I sang the song that was sung at both of her grandmother's funerals, "I Can Only Imagine." It was impossible to sing without tears streaming down as I saw her family, her daughter, and friends hurting along with me. She had not seen them for over 5 years and until the day she died, had no idea Joey existed. I was able to talk to them and let them hold Joey, but their pain is still too fresh to consider more contact at this time. I was able to meet Kirsten's birth daughter's mom (Joey is Kirsten's 3rd child) and we were able to exchange information so in the future we can have contact between our children.

I have been really struggling with Kirsten's passing. I lost my grandpa when I was 10 and my grandma last year but both of them had been old and sick so it was not a huge shock. I still wake up thinking all of this had just been a dream, but it's very much reality. Joey is getting very spoiled and hasn't been more than an arms length away from me. I see so much of her in him.

I know that we will see her again and I know the second I leave this life, she will be one of the first people I embrace. She blessed me with an amazing son. Joey will always know that his birth mom loved him. She placed him in our home. I was constantly in awe of her knowledge that he was meant for our home, but I think the spirit was prompting her to bring him to us. She will always be honored in our home. We will miss her terribly, but I know she is watching over us.

For now, we are settling into California and trying to find a home. We are beginning a new chapter in our lives and I'm trying to embrace that. I'm glad I have 2 incredible children to keep me busy, a sweet little doggy, and an amazing and supportive husband who is always there for me.

Joey's Birth story

Kirsten (Joey's birth mom) had been in the hospital for several weeks leading up to the birth. She had a hernia above her uterus, severe chronic back pain, and was having trouble keeping any food or liquids down. So she was in the hospital on an IV getting the pain medication and nutrients she needed. Even with several scares of what we thought was early labor, Kirsten managed to hold out.

At the end of November, Kirsten's doctor decided to schedule a c-section for when Kirsten hit 37 weeks. She didn't want her to go into labor or have her water break. So it was scheduled for December 4th. That day is super special to our family. Grace was sealed to us for eternity on that day a year prior. And I found out that my mom had actually been baptized into the LDS church on that day too. So we knew that day was going to be a very special one.

The day before, we took Grace out to dinner and enjoyed our last time as a family of 3. I had taken her a few days earlier to the zoo to celebrate her adoption and we had done a lot to spoil her in those last few weeks.

Sunday morning, the 4th, we woke up bright and early. Robby dropped me off at the hospital at 7 am so I could be there to listen to all the instructions and help get Kirsten ready. Her best friend, Shelly, came with us and was a huge support to Kirsten. Robby went and dropped Grace off and then came to meet us. The c-section was scheduled for 8:30 but that time came and passed. The OR was still being used so we had to wait. At 8:50, the OR was ready and they wheeled Kirsten back. She had wanted me in the room with her, but only 1 other person was allowed, and her husband, Leonard, filled that job. :)

Waiting outside for Joey to be born felt like some of the longest minutes of my life. I was able to sit with Robby, Shelly, and my friend Jessica who came to photograph the event. I could peek through the window and I caught a few glimpses of him and instantly I fell in love. They put him in a bassinet and wheeled him upstairs to the nursery. We were able to stay in the nursery with him the whole time. He had a lot of trouble breathing at first and I was terrified. His lungs had some liquid in them from being delivered by c-section so he had to be monitored very closely. He had a little trouble maintaining his temperature, so he was under a heat lamp. Then they added some oxygen near his face and he started doing much better. We tried for an hour to get him to cry so that he would work some of the gunk out of his lungs, but no success. He just wanted to sleep. :)

After his numbers were a little more stable, the nurses decided to give him a bath. I got to help a little, but the nurses in the nursery are much more about getting down to business than doddling around. After he was washed and dried and put into his clothes, Robby and I decided it was ok to leave him at that time for some lunch. We ran and grabbed some lunch and were back within an hour. It was too hard to be away from him.

When we got back, the nurses asked if I wanted to hold him. UMMMMM.... OF COURSE!!!!! The second he was placed in my arms, his breathing normalized and he just nuzzled in. He even wanted a binky to suck on. Robby got to hold him too and Joey continued to get better and better at breathing. The nurses told us he was probably hungry so I was able to give him his first bottle. He sucked that thing down so fast. After he was fed, he was released into our room. Robby and I were able to stay in a Nesting room in the hospital just a few doors down from the nursery. It was so nice to be able to have peace and quiet and bond with our new baby boy.

That night, we just sat and cuddled him and just enjoyed the peace and quiet. My mom came into town to help Grace and brought her over to meet Joey. Grace wasn't so sure about him at first, but she definitely warmed up more to him. She didn't like when I held him and was very clingy to me. She went home with my mom, and I cried. I didn't want her to go, but I didn't want to leave Joey. Already I could feel my heart growing in my love for 2 babies.

After she left, Robby and I kept Joey in our room until midnight and then he went back to the nursery. We got a good night's rest (as good as you can on a hospital bed or a recliner chair) and then went and got Joey the next morning bright and early. He spent all day with us. Kirsten was able to come visit us and see Joey. It was hard to see her heart break, but there is no denying how much she loves him.

After 2 nights, they decided it was ok to let Joey go home with us. Robby drove, my mom sat in the front, and I squished in between the two car seats. I was really happy to be there between my two little loves though. Grace held my hand the whole way and Joey slept.

We found out from our caseworker that Kirsten was going to sign on Saturday. We took Joey home on Tuesday. For 4 long days and nights, we hoped and prayed that Joey would be ours. It is incredible hard to feel yourself be so in love with this tiny person and then not know if they will be a part of your family. But Kirsten assured me daily that she wasn't going back on her decision so we just had to have faith. We prayed for Kirsten too that she would feel peace, and when we saw her Saturday, we could tell she did.

Saturday was incredible. Kirsten and her husband signed the papers relinquishing their rights and asked that we be in the room with them. They had smiles the whole time. We signed our papers and they took Joey to get some snuggles with him. We gathered in our caseworkers office with my mom, Grace, Kirsten, Leonard, our caseworker, the adoption manager and his wife, and two of Kirsten and Leonard's friends. The spirit was very strong and everyone was very emotional. Leonard read a letter they wrote to Joey and gave us a copy with a picture of Leonard giving Joey to me at the hospital. We gave Leonard his first set of LDS scriptures and gave Kirsten a picture of Joseph holding Jesus. We have a matching copy that is in Joey's room. We also gave her a Willow Tree angel that is signing Love. We love teaching Grace to sign and I know we will teach Joey too so that is why I chose it.

We were able to tell Kirsten and Leonard how grateful we are for them and for Joey. I watched Kirsten sob as we had to leave. That is the hardest thing about adoption. I watched her break her own heart for our son. She loves Joey so much, and wanted to give him more than she could provide.

I get a lot of questions about why they chose adoption and wanted to share a little of that part too. Kirsten met us in July, 14 weeks pregnant. She began talking with an old friend (Leonard) and they hit it off really well. Due to some bad circumstances with where she was living, she moved in with him. They quickly fell in love. She and Leonard were taking missionary discussions for the LDS church and were considering becoming baptized. The missionaries encouraged them to get married first, so October 1st, Kirsten and Leonard were married.

Leonard is not Joey's biological father, but in Arizona, the laws are that if the birth mother is married, the husband is the legal father. So Leonard had to sign relinquishment papers too. And he loves Joey. He supported Kirsten through the last 20 weeks of her pregnancy. He kept her fed, helped with her IVs, and stayed awake with her while she was in pain. So we call him Joey's birth father. We have not met Joey's biological father, but we may correspond with him in the future.

We love being a family of 4. There are definitely challenges (I write this sick with a cold/sore throat, Grace has a double ear infection, Joey is going through a growth spurt, and Robby is trying to find a new job), but I wouldn't trade this for anything. I am so grateful for the path that we have been led on. I'm grateful for all the trials that I've had that have made me stronger. I'm grateful for amazing birth parents and the sacrifices they make for their children. Even though a little over 3 years ago, we were told we wouldn't be able to get pregnant, we now have 2 amazing children. We are VERY blessed.

1 month

I can't believe our little Joey is here and already a month old! Wow, I'm bad at blogging... :) He arrived via c-section on December 4th at 9:02 am. He is such a sweet angel and I'm so incredibly happy that I get to be his mommy. I'll try to post more pictures and more of the story later, but for now, sleep is a little more important. This picture is both babies at exactly 1 month with their teddy bears. Joey is definitely on his way to outgrow Grace very quickly. :) I feel so blessed to have 2 little miracles through adoption and hope we can have many many more. :)

Waiting

One of my least favorite parts of adoption is WAITING! Waiting for the homestudy, waiting to be approved, waiting for an expectant parent to contact you, waiting to be chosen, waiting for the baby to be born, waiting for placement paperwork to be signed, waiting for finalization, and then waiting the full year to start it all again!

Waiting to be chosen is by far my least favorite of all the waiting, but it has definitely been difficult waiting for Joey to be born. Last week, the plan was that an amnio would be done on November 29th and then there was a huge possibility he would be born November 30th. Yesterday, expectant mom (K) called me to tell me her blood pressure and blood sugar had both skyrocketed so she was going to the hospital. They were afraid of a clot in her lung and wanted to do some tests to check her out. Thankfully she does not have a clot, but when they did the amniocentesis to check Joey's lungs, I'm pretty sure they came back as not fully developed. So now they are wanting to keep him in there until 37 weeks (December 5th). So we are back to waiting. This time has given me so much more anxiety. I'm constantly on edge and really dislike this feeling. But it is definitely part of the process.

As a planner, I really hate surprises! I want to KNOW when things will happen so I can prepare for them. But this is just another lesson in trusting that there is a Plan, even if I don't have all the specifics. Joseph Parker will be here soon, and hopefully become a part of our family.

Happy Halloween

Love, The Colvins

My mom made our costumes this year. We are Aladdin, Rajah, and Jasmine. Grace went trick or treating for the first time and she wasn't quite sure what to do with it. :) She loved grabbing candy out of the other buckets and throwing them into hers. :) Grace loved her costume and kept pulling it over her face and playing peekaboo. She managed to sign Happy Halloween with my prompting. We went around my parents' neighborhood in Utah and it was chilly, but not too bad. We had a great Halloween!

Chocolate cake

I found this on another blog too. I sat here sobbing reading it. This is very much how infertility has been. Beautiful analogy.

"Imagine yourself dressed up in your finest clothes. You and your sweet husband are attending a dinner together in one of the nicest restaurants in town. You both have planned, waited and saved for this evening. To say the least, you are very excited! You and your husband arrive and the atmosphere is more than you expected. Everyone around you is having a good time. The chandeliers are sparkling, candles are glowing and sweet soft music is playing in the background. To your pleasant surprise you see others there you know. You are seated with them and in your heart you think there just couldn't be anything better!

The table is just exquisite. Breathtaking really. The people at your table begin to talk to you in jolly conversation. You glance at the menu and you don't even know where to begin! You look over everything slowly and carefully, especially the dessert menu! All of your life you have been hearing about this restaurant's marvellous and divine desserts. Deep in your heart, you have been looking forward to enjoying dessert the most!

Everyone at your table orders their food. For dessert they all order chocolate cake. You think, "Hey that sounds perfect. I'll have chocolate cake too please." The waiter nods in approval and quickly swifts off to put in your order. In the meantime, you are still enjoying the surroundings, the music and the company. You grab your husband's hand and sigh "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

The food comes and everything looks just pleasing. Some of the things you tasted you really love, some of the things you didn't. Either way, you know that dessert is on its way. That thought in and of itself is just exciting! Then you see him, your waiter! Your wonderful, blessed waiter with a silver tray full of plates of chocolate cake! He comes and starts handing out plates to those you know. You look at the cake and to put it simply, it looks just divine. You're even more excited now! The waiter comes to your side and then passes you and your husband. You are shocked and think there must be some mistake. you don't know what to do, but rather than make a fuss you think, "Just wait, I will get my chocolate cake soon too."

Those that have their dessert are going on and on about how amazing the taste is. You smile, you are truly happy for them. Deep down you are anxious and their feelings only feed your curiosity and desire. Then you see the waiter again and think, "Ahhh, here he is." You notice that he starts handing out seconds and thirds to those that have already had their piece of cake. Your husband doesn't notice, he's busy chatting with the fellow next to him! Deep down though you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

You ask the waiter, "Excuse me please. Where is my chocolate cake that I ordered"? The waiter just replies, "The baker has said that you must wait." He rushes off and not another word is said. Time goes on. You still enjoy the surroundings, the people and the conversations. All the while though, you can't get chocolate cake out of your mind. Time keeps creeping by and soon your husband notices too, "Where is our dessert?" You hold his hand and look into his loving eyes and think, "Even without chocolate cake, life is still good."

Time, however, creeps and it creeps. At moments it seems like it has even stopped. It's getting late and people are noticing you haven't received your dessert yet. Questions start arising and you just don't know how to respond. You look around other tables and notice that people are also getting their third, fourth and fifth servings of dessert. "Why" is all you have to lean upon.

You notice that others have ordered things for dessert besides chocolate cake. There is cherry pie, brownie ice cream sundaes, raspberry cheesecakes and such. They seem just as pleased, if not more pleased with their desserts and you wonder, "Should I order cherry pie too"? You talk to the waiter and he simply says, "I'm sorry ma'am, you just need to be patient and wait."

You are starting to burn inside. Despite all of your best efforts you are beginning to boil. You really want to jump on top of the table and stomp while shouting, "Where is my chocolate cake?" You don't though because you know that will get you no where! Instead you look around and notice that there are some that are refusing their chocolate cake. "It will make me fat" one says. "Ugh. I have enough already" another states. One woman, simply dumps her beautiful chocolate cake onto the floor.

As you look deeper around you, you notice there are a few others that are waiting too. Your heart goes out to them. You smile and wish there was something more you could do. You know their pain and it hurts. It really hurts.

Finally, the waiter comes and he has chocolate cake on that familiar beautiful silver platter...and he has enough for two. One for your husband and one for you! Your so elated with joy that you can't hardly stand it!!! You tell everyone at your table and they are just as happy for you. "We knew it would happen" they say. "You just needed to relax"! Little did they know that deep inside relaxing was the last thing you were feeling! You look at your husband. Tears are in both of your eyes. You carefully take a taste. It's such sweet, sweet perfection. You go to take another and just before you do the waiter comes and gently takes your plates away. "Something is wrong" he says. "Don't worry my dear, the time is soon."

There's confusion. Sadness. Anger. Above all though, you are just deeply and truly heartbroken. Heartbroken to the very core. You don't know what to do. You turn to others for support. They cry with you and too ask why. You take a deep breath and find the strength to go on. You have been given the promise that you will receive dessert. It is just not understood as to when. You decide to put your full trust in the baker. You reach far inside within yourself and find the effort to ask your husband to dance.

He looks at you and smiles..."Yes, I would love to dance with you my dear one." You both get up, leave the table and set off to dance.

As you are dancing, you get your bearings. You again begin to notice your surroundings. The beautiful surroundings that have so magically grabbed your attention in the first place. You remember the music, the sounds, the smell of the sweet flowers. You breathe. That's all you can do. You breathe and slowly begin to enjoy the moment again. Slowly, it all comes back to you. The things you love. Being with the person you love the most. The pains you have just felt are still there. Still vulnerable, but you feel life again. Yes, life is still good.

After quite a few dances, you both decide it's time to sit at your table. People still have their desserts and their chocolate cakes. Your space is still empty. You decide, however, to really focus on those around you. In doing so you find more joy. The desire for dessert is still there- but it's manageable. Time moves on.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, your waiter appears. He has the biggest smile on his face. He is pleased to announce that you and your husband's dessert is finally here!! Your heart wells up with joy, but you're afraid too. You ask the waiter, "Will you take it away"? "No, this one was made especially for you." You smile back, hardly believing that this could be true or real. You look at it and it's not a dessert you have ever seen before. It's then that you realize that the baker has made a dessert with all of your favorite colors and flavors. Careful detail was lovingly taken into every consideration. "How did He know that this is exactly what I wanted"? The waiter just smiles and says, "Because he knows and loves you. If you look, you can see him there."

You look and at the door, through the little round window you see a gentle man with tears in his eyes. He is grinning from ear to ear and looking at you and your husband. You can't hardly see anymore because of all of the happy tears. You whisper a big "Thank You" and in your heart you feel that this simple phrase will never be enough.

You look at the people around you, they too have tears in their eyes. They too are smiling from ear to ear. Everything is so precious and tender now- even more so than when you first arrived here. It's then that you learn that the pains you have felt all along the way... the waiting, the crying, the agony....it's all been a special recipe to make this moment this much more wonderful and sacred.

In your soul you take a deep breath and slowly let out a big sigh of gratitude.

You grab your husband's hand and sigh again, "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

I found this on another blog and thought it was a beautiful poem so I wanted to share it. :) We feel so blessed to have our little Gracie through adoption. I'm grateful for her birth mom making the loving choice to place Grace in our family. And we are so blessed again to be able to get to know expectant mom while she is pregnant and that baby boy will be a part of our eternal family too.

With a little one to love

And I prayed with hope

I prayed in faith

That soon the day would come-

That in my heart and in my arms

I’d hold a little one.

Like Sarah in the Bible
The days and years seemed long.

I waited for a miracle-

Would it ever come?

Unlike Hannah,

Unlike Sarah

It was not meant to be.

A little child would not be born-

Not from within me.

It seems like God just took me by the hand.

I heard him say, “This is the plan.”

I asked Him why this burden was mine to bear.

He said, “Find faith, I’ve heard your humble prayer.”

There’s a story in the Bible

A story I understand

About a woman who bore a child

And placed him in other hands.

She wanted him to be kept safe-

She traded sacrifice for faith…

And in the end he grew to be

One who looked upon God’s face.

Like this woman in the story

Another bore a son.

She traded sacrifice for faith-

And placed him in my arms.

Like Hannah, and like Sarah

My miracle had come-

And in my heart and in my arms.

I held my little one.

It seems like God just took my by the hand.

I heard him say, “This is the plan.”

Again, I prayed and humbly spoke to God above

For now I held a little one to love.

Grace's first Leo

I started gymnastics when I was 5. I loved it! I was not very good but I made it up to competitive levels. Then, when we moved to Arizona when I was 9, we tried finding a good gym, but we just couldn't. So my sister and I did a little tumbling instead. Finally, around the time I was 13, a new gym opened less than a mile from us. My sister ended up getting a job there and I took tumbling at night. The summer before I was 16, I started coaching too. I ended up coaching there until I was 23. It was a great job and I loved it. It's where I grew to love children and wanted to become a mom.

Every season, we would get a whole new stash of Leotards. I would go through them, dreaming about when I would finally be able to buy my daughter a leo of her own. After going through infertility, I wasn't sure if that would ever happen. I bought tons of baby clothes, but I never bought a single Leotard. Then, we got our Miracle, Grace. I have been waiting 17 LONG months to put her in gymnastics. Most gyms have you wait until 18 months, but luckily, here in Rexburg, the class starts as soon as they are walking. I was thrilled! So we signed her up.

The first few times, I would just put her in a onesie. Then today, I put her in a swimming suit (that BARELY fit). As we were leaving, I looked through the Leotards. And suddenly, my dream was coming true. I found one that fit Grace (it's still a bit big) and instantly snatched it up. I had her do a little fashion show afterwards and she just kept rubbing her tummy. Even if she never loves gymnastics, I am so glad I was able to buy her this leotard, and live that dream. She is my miracle and I thank my Heavenly Father daily for her.

Starting her forward roll

Oops! Fell sideways!

Laughing on the floor

Stand up and big TA-DA!!!!!!

I seriously love this little leotard and I hope it's the first of many to come! It's a GK leo (I wore them all growing up) and it's Nastia Luikin's line! She's one of my favorite gymnasts so it made it even better! :)

And because I don't want to forget, today was the first day of gymnastics that Grace would let her coach help her! I'm really hoping it's helping with her stranger anxiety! She ran right up to Coach Mallory and wanted to swing on the rope! She also started doing the Choo Choo train on the way to each event. She's catching on to everything. Her all time favorite thing, is jumping into the foam pit. The drop is bigger than she is, but she thinks it is hysterical! Next favorite is the rope swing. She likes bars, but it always seems to fall towards the end of class when she gets tired. But she can do a pullover with my help and is totally fearless! She's turning into a monkey everywhere we go now!

Catching up... Again.

Can it really be October already?

Life seems to be flying by. Grace keeps me busy. Life in Idaho is... interesting. :) It snowed a couple days ago. Snow, in October. It's just not right. And of course, it had to start snowing as I was driving 20 miles to the next town. We went shopping for my birthday and came out to find our car was covered in 3 inches of snow. It was a little unreal.

Grace is learning so much. She is starting to try to talk. She's also getting a lot more social and will say Hi to every person at the store she sees. It's quite funny. And she gets really mad if the person doesn't say Hi back. She is starting to want to color all the time now too. The signs she does the most during the day are Movie, Color, Airplane, and More. I see each one at least 10 times a day.

Grace is really starting to do well in gymnastics. She is doing forward rolls by herself on the mat, and she did a pullover with my help on the bars. She LOVES hanging on the bars. She also loves the trampoline and jumping off the end into the foam pit. She is getting a little more coordinated. I'm learning I'm definitely a helicopter parent and am always hovering over her making sure she doesn't fall. I'm trying to remind myself that she won't learn to be careful if she never falls. It's really hard though. I want to protect her as much as I can.

Expectant mom is 29 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going for me. I'm sure it is dragging on for her though. She has a hernia above the baby and it's causing her a lot of pain. Baby boy may need to come out sooner than we hoped so that she can get that taken care of sooner. He is constantly moving and kicking around.

Robby has been working 14-18 hours a day since we arrived. They are ALMOST finished with the project. I'm really hoping we can start spending more time together soon. It's quite lonely by myself here after Grace goes to bed. I've been watching a lot of shows and have read a couple books already too.

Although I really hate snow, I'm really excited to take Grace out to play in it. She has been loving the cold and the wind and the snow. She definitely doesn't get that from me. I got her a cute snowsuit and mittens so we will be prepared for the next storm.

Hopefully it won't be another month before I actually have exciting news or pictures. I feel like life is just moving along, quickly, but uneventfully. Which I'm DEFINITELY not complaining about. :)

Catching Up

I have been so bad at this blogging business lately. It always seems to be the last thing to get done.

Back in June, Robby was let go from his job because they were going in a new direction. After a few weeks of trying to find something, we realized that jobs in Arizona for web developers were quite limited. Finally, Robby gets an email from a job listing in Idaho. Rexburg, Idaho. Home of BYU Idaho, and that's about it. :) We decided to pray about it. Then Robby found out about another job in Arizona. And then another in San Francisco. And yet another in Portland. So we were praying and the only thing that felt right was Idaho.

Now, I LOATHE snow. I don't like cold weather and LOVE sunshine. So for me to feel that Idaho is where we are supposed to go is both bizarre and unnatural. The company decides to fly us out there and instantly I fell in love. The city is beautiful. The BYU campus is fun to walk around. The Rexburg Temple sits on the top of a hill and you can see it from almost anywhere in the city. There are 2 bowling alleys and a theatre (that's only important because Maricopa doesn't have one). :) The houses are so classic and everywhere is Green. It feels like a whole different world up here. And EVERYONE is LDS (Mormon).

During all of this falling in love with Idaho, we found out about K, our new expectant mom. That definitely put a kink in our plans. We decided that Robby would be able to work from Arizona for the time being and then after Baby Boy was born and the adoption was finalized, we would revisit the plan to move to Idaho.

Well, I guess there needed to be a new plan. The company NEEDED Robby to come up and finish the project that they were working on. It could take 1-3 months, but most likely more like 3. So, off to Idaho we went. We thought about having Robby stay up there by himself but I knew I couldn't be away from him for 3 months.

So we packed as little as possible, and drove 12 hours to my parents (in reality it took 14 thanks to all the stops we took) and then drove another 3 hours up to Rexburg. We are staying in a tiny 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment. We have no TV, limited internet, and no place to play inside. So, we've been outdoors almost all day long, every day. Grace is LOVING the park and running around. It is amazing to watch her climb and run. It does make for exhausting days but the sunshine is wonderful.

I'm sure I'll be complaining about the snow in the next month (please let it not snow for at least a month), but for now, I am enjoying Rexburg. Dare I say, I love it here. We went to the Student Ward (our whole apartment complex is the ward) and have already made several friends. I was so worried I wouldn't make friends because I've had a really hard time making new friends over the past few years, but everyone has been so loving. I think it really helps that no one can resist Grace's charm. Our ward has only 9 kids in it including Grace and almost every single one of the girls is baby hungry. So Grace provides a lot of entertainment. :)

Robby is working a TON. From 8 am until 10 pm and sometimes later. We miss him, but we go visit him about twice a day so we can bring him lunch, or dinner, and we go and run around the park as a family. It has been so wonderful and I can definitely feel our family coming so much closer together.

It's really scary not knowing what the future holds. We could end up back here, or we could end up staying in Arizona, or the whole company could be moving to San Francisco. We don't know and although it's a little terrifying, I know that Heavenly Father will help us go where we need to be. I know completely that this is where we are supposed to be right now. As hard as it is being away from Grace's birth families, and from Baby Boy's expectant mom, and all my friends, I can't deny this is where we are supposed to be.