Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Today was my 3rd Mother's day since beginning infertility treatments and my first since finding out we were out of options. I haven't gone to church the previous 2 years because it was too hard but for the past week, I had an overwhelming feeling that I should go. Last night, I prayed with all my might that I would be strong enough to go. Now, our church is at 8 o'clock and is difficult to get up for on a normal day but it was a thousand times harder this morning. I wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep for hours. (Probably because I did not sleep very well the night before, dreading today). But, I got up and got ready. I had the most amazing feeling of peace come over me. Robby got ready and came with me and every other second, he would glance over at me, waiting for me to break down. I would just kind of smile inwardly and feel the peace from my Heavenly Father and knew I could make it through the day. We sat through Sacrament meeting and though it was completely devoted to Mothers, I knew that I am one too. (I was really impressed that a few of the men that spoke mentioned women who cannot have children in this life but will in the life to come. Kudos to them for understanding and acknowledging that!) I ended up being the one to comfort Robby. He kept asking me how I was getting through it and I finally told him that I prayed for strength and Heavenly Father was giving me the strength. I know that my Savior is helping me with this burden and I can feel his presence in my life. I didn't break down at all until I bore my testimony during Relief Society and it wasn't because I was sad at all. I was so happy that I have a testimony and that I know that my Savior loves me. I am so grateful for his sacrifice. I'm hoping this is my last childless Mother's day, but it may not be. I do know that this trial will pass and I'll get new ones. I know that this trial is making me so much stronger and is making the relationship between me and Robby so much stronger than I ever thought possible. He is such a wonderful person and I would be so lost without him. He is my strength. I am also so grateful for my own mother. She taught me patience and love. She showed me her love of the temple and gave me that same love. She showed me how to make a marriage work for over 25 years and will continue for another 25 (at least). :) I do not know what I would do without being able to call her up and ask for her advice. She makes me a better person and I'm so glad that I chose her to be my mother.


Mom with my little brother Jimmy before he left on his mission. (He's been gone for over a year now and I got to talk to him for a few minutes.)

6 comments:

Jen said...

Angee, in our sacrament meeting it was pointed out that Adam called Eve the Mother of all Living before she was ever a mother. They said that Mother's Day was really a celebration of Womanhood because ever woman's destiny is to be a mother whether in this life or in the next to come. I thought it was really good. I'm so glad you were supported on that day. I love that you blogged about it!

Yankee Girl said...

Your strength is inspiring.

Don't hate me, but I think 8am would be the perfect time for church.

Rachel said...

Hi Angee, so I have a hard time reading your posts because I get so emotional. I absolutely love the way you are so devoted and determined to being a mother. I also chose to be a mother, and sometimes with all of the craziness that comes with it, I forget that and get bogged down with it all. You help me remember who I am and who my kiddos are and give me the strength to be the best mom I can be. I love my children, but it is also so good to reflect on my true purpose as their mother, especially when all the poop and crying and frustration gets in the way of remembering that. Thank you, and I wish you all the poop (and everything else wonderful that comes with it) in the world. Soon. Because you are going to make a wonderful mother.

Adam and Jessica Cooley said...

I'm so glad you had a good day, you are such a good example to me of faith and dedication. Thanks for helping my own testimony grow!!

Rogers Family said...

I'm sure there is nothing I can say to make things better and I am so sorry for that. All I can say is that you are such an example to me and you inspire me to be thankful for my children and to be a better mother. I'm sure you will have a baby soon and I hope you know how many peopple are supporting you and love you.

Kristi said...

I love you, Boo! I thought about you all day, and I hope that you know how much we all love you. Our boys are lucky to have an aunt like you, and I'm lucky to call you my sister. <3 (that's a heart). Your love keeps me from taking my beautiful, healthy babies for granted, and I thank you for that. We're still praying for you all the time, and I know you'll be blessed with a baby soon. And then I'll help you like you've helped me!